Calming Little Minds
Last night Elaine wouldn’t eat any of her snack or her milk because the milk was too cold. I took it away, she flipped out. I brought it back, she flipped out. Why? Because it wasn’t about the milk. For several reasons, she was in a state that couldn’t be helped. The primary of these reasons is simple… she is a 3 year old learning how to handle her shit and this is part of the process.
Everyone wants well behaved children. But if you have a 2/3 year old you know that even in the best of circumstances, those big feelings and big emotions may bubble to the surface and overwhelm them. All of the sudden your smiley happy baby has turned into an bratty emotionally unstable monster having a 5 alarm code red melt down. You can’t avoid it entirely, but we set out to try and make it better.
After my post on healing crystals, we dug deeper into practicing intention setting and mindfulness with Elaine. This concept might seem to be beyond what a 3 year old can handle to some, but we have found that it has been incredibly effective at making her a calmer and happier toddler.
Positive Affirmations
In my own practice with my own anxieties, I have practiced intention setting and affirmations. I figured I would just try to see if they would help my toddler.
As it would turn out, they were the turning point to getting her to get to bed by 8:00. If you read my previous post on Healing Crystals, you know that we were able to get her to bed by 8:45- 9:30 instead of 11:00 or sometimes later. Because the term, “positive affirmations” is a bit too much for a 3 year old, we shortened it to “her words”. Below I have posted her little list.
Elaine’s Words:
“I am kind”
“I am strong”
“I am brave”
“I am healthy”
“I have good Ideas”
“I can do hard things”
“I can make friends wherever I go”
“I love myself”
“I love my family”
“My family loves me”
She says these at least once a day and usually right before bed. They have also helped with toddler frustrations and impatience. They aren’t a cure all, but when things start to spin for her she is able to bounce back better.
Deep Breathing for Little Ones.
This one I am starting to use for melt downs and moments when they can’t calm down. The technique goes as follows:
- Inhale: Have your little one breath in through just their nose and completely fill their belly with air.
-Exhale: have them breathe out completely through their mouth compressing their bellies and try to get all of the air out.
-After doing this twice, add the arm motion and bending their knees.
Starting position: arm at side and knees slightly bent.
Inhale: slowly start straightening the knees while moving their arm up like an elephant trunk still filling their bellies with air and inhale only through the nose.
Exhale: Slowly lower the arm while bending the knees. exhale only through the mouth.
Repeat this 5-10 times.
This technique should be taught when they are in a good place emotionally. If you try to teach this while they are having a melt down, it won’t work. They need to know it already when the melt down happens or they won’t be responsive.
This also works better at the start of an emotional outburst. The more would up they are the harder it is to calm them down. So it’s better to have them do this at the first signs that the wheels might be coming off.
Yoga! Yoga! Yoga!
I highly recommend Cosmic Kids Yoga. They have several videos on You Tube and they have an amazing app! They use story telling as part of their yoga practice which keeps Elaines attention for at least 15 minutes. So far our favorite is frozen yoga, which I have posted below.. It is so adorable. Some other “yoga stories” include Trolls, Harry Potter, as well as classic nursery stories as well. It is such a fantastic way to engage little minds and get them started with yoga.
Reduce Screen Time
I find this to be really challenging. For a lot of us, kids have been home full time during the pandemic. With all of the work that most of us are required to do on a daily bases, it’s an easy way to keep them occupied. So please read this as REDUCE, and not REMOVE. Because it’s 100% ok to take some time to yourself and give them your iPad with ABC Mouse, YouTube kids, or an episode of Peppa Pig.
That being said, I have noticed an extreme difference on days where screen time is allowed vs when it is not. She is far more likely to act out or lose control of her emotions on days when she is allowed to use the iPad. This is especially true when it’s an iPad vs the TV.
Note: Our rule is guided yoga classes for her on you tube do not count as screen time. We also always play it on the TV and not a small hand held device that is right in front of her face.
Just get them outside
It is incredible what fresh air does for EVERYONE. Not just littles. Spending 10 minutes outside rain or shine helps calm everyone down. More is better, but 10 minutes is fine! Water the flowers, collect leaves, or build your own adventure. If we haven’t made it outside that day, I make sure to get them out before bed. Even if its to look at the moon before they go to sleep.
Family Story Telling
Get out the photo album and show them pictures of your wedding, vacation, etc. Most kiddos love looking at family photos and this wholesome activity will quiet their body and mind down giving them something to focus on.
They will pay closer attention if they are part of the story. Elaines favorite is to look at photos of our trip to Paris last year since she is in so many of them and there are so many fun stories of her sight seeing. She chimes in with “I remember this!” and talks about it as well. Stories about their relatives will help them bond with family and deeper their connection to those they love.
Note: If you are someone who stores all of their photos on their phone or computer, get them printed. Get an old fashioned album and fill it with photos for them to have in their bedroom and share with friends.
All in all…
There are a lot of things you can do to calm down littles and it entirely depends on them as an individual and what is upsetting them. None of them work 100% all the time, like right now as I’m writing this, Elaine is whining about not having ice cream for breakfast. It’s doubtful that she will be calmed with breathing techniques… but a trip to the park this morning to get her outside might distract her from the strawberry Tillamook ice cream that she knows is in the freezer.
While going through the process it’s just important to recognize that raising kids is tough, but so are you.