An Argument for Therapy
I was 22 when I stepped into the office of Dr. Lance McDonald, licensed psychologist and good friend of my fathers. My parents thought it would be a good idea as I was in a place where I may have needed some direction. I was not into it. However, I humored them and ignored all stereotypes of therapy, and cautiously made the appointment. I was expecting to spend an hour owning “my shit”. I expected that it would be an hour of misery explaining all of my college mistakes, wrong turns taken, and basically explain why I was a failure because I was not a perfect person. Instead I walked out of the office with nothing more than a diagnosis of acute anxiety. I didn’t need medication, I didn’t need extreme intervention or “demon facing”. I was a normal 22 year old who expected way too much of herself. I had a skewed vision of the world and what was expected of me. Most importantly, I walked out of the office for the first time in a long time without the weight and tension I had been carrying for years. It was a relief.
That day was a true turning point in my life. Not only did I walk out of that appointment feeling good, I realized that therapy had gotten an extremely bad wrap. I was so scared to go to that appointment and why? I decided to schedule another to treat the acute anxiety. I wanted to dig into relationships (good and bad), my fears about the future, extreme stress caused by pressure from school, I wanted to dig into it all. Any point that caused me stress or pain, I wanted to talk about. It has been 15 years since that initial appointment and since then I have seen Dr Lance once a month on average since that day. My therapy appointments I started looking forward to in the same way I would look forward to going to yoga or going for a hike. It was an escape and a place to recharge my batteries. More importantly, it was a place to hash through whatever it was that was bothering me.
Some months I delayed because I didn’t need it, some months I needed more, and then one day I needed it more than ever.
The birth of our first daughter was a traumatic one. Without fully getting into what happened, I will tell you that my full term daughter spent two weeks in the NICU and I was in pretty bad shape as well. When I was around 6 months pregnant, I had the foresight to set up a Post Partum Depression screening with Dr. McDonald 1 month after my due date. While I didn’t have PPD, I did have PTSD which is very common for mothers who have traumatic birth experience, and even more common for parents who have children in the NICU. I was completely unaware that this was even a thing for new moms, let alone it was common. I was lucky as my symptoms were not nearly as bad as they could have been. I had only one major triggered panic attack that first year. My poor dentist had no idea why I sweat through my clothing and was having trouble breathing from a simple dental appointment. The position I was in and the bright lights triggered a flashback to my birth experience. I let her know then what I was going through and why. Who would have known that the dentist would have caused that kind of reaction, but it did.
I spent the next year working to get through it. One by one my symptoms went away. He also went through the steps I needed to take when I became pregnant with my second child. Triggers were going to be inevitable the second time around, especially since this would be a scheduled C section. My surgery would be in the same operating room as the birth of my first daughter. I can’t imagine what it would have been like had I not been fully prepared for what I would be facing. My OB was able to warn the healthcare professionals in the operating room that I had struggled with PTSD from the previous birth. The anesthesiologist held my hand through most of my surgery along with my husband. I had the coping mechanisms to get through it. I was so happy that having our second daughter was a good experience because I prepared.
Here is the part that has really stuck with me… I don’t know if I would have made that initial appointment for postpartum depression if I hadn’t started seeing a psychologist on the regular. It is so easy to justify feeling miserable. It is so easy to justify stress and not take care of ourselves. It is easy to say “everyone goes through this, I’m normal, I don’t need therapy”. Just because everyone goes through something and you are normal does not mean you don’t need therapy. Because I believe that most people need therapy. Especially now, more than ever. Now your doctor and your pediatrician will give you a paper test for PPD after the birth of your kiddo, but they will not be able to diagnose anything else you may be going through from that screening. There is A LOT that mothers go through that first year of having a kiddo. It is tough. Which is why I feel it is so important to schedule that appointment with a licensed health care professional after you have a baby. Just my two cents.
This year has been devastating for everyone. EVERYONE. I implore you, please take care of yourself. Even if you think you are ok. If there was a question of your physical health, most people would get it checked out. If you saw a sketchy spot on your skin, or have a scratchy throat, you would call your doc and get it checked out. So why do we not do the same with our own mental health? We are in an amazing age when it comes to technology. Therapy is something that works very well digitally and there are several great online resources for therapy. Most psychologists are offering telemedicine during covid. There is no excuse to not seek therapy if you think there might be a reason to speak to someone. It doens’t have to be major depression or extreme life changes. It can be small or a simple mental health check up. Once a year. Especially if your insurance covers it.
I stumbled into the notion that mental health is not just for the unhealthy. It is for everyone. I chose to make mental health a priority in my life. My wish is that more people do the same. Just get yourself checked out, you will not regret it.